20-to-01: Screw You, Channel Nine

There’s plenty a thing I’ve missed by not following network TV in the past decade. There’s plenty more that it’s just as well I’ve missed.

My blood boils, my pores distend, my hands wrench into a strangling motion at the shlock, the pettiness, the smugness, the sanctimonious rejoicing at others’ misfortune, the proof of the idiocy of the few people left watching network TV, the proof of why few people are left watching network TV—that is Channel Nine’s 20-to-01. B-List celebrities and a mummified Moonface Newton, lamely clucking at the misfortunes and missteps of A-List celebrities. What a cheaparse show to make. What a cheaparse sentiment to peddle. What a cheaparse parody of righteousness. Cluck cluck cluck at Jane Fonda on the anti-aircraft gun, and Rihanna, and Robert Downey Jr, cluck cluck cluck Winona Ryder, and Mel Gibson, and John Landis, and what were they thinking, and I can’t believe they did that, and cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck. Well cluck you, B-List celebrities, and click off.

קיינער זעט נישט זיין אייגענעם הויקער Keiner zet nisht zayn eigenerm hoyker. “Noone sees his own hunchback.”