If your pet could fully comprehend what you’re saying to them for 60 seconds, what would you tell them?

Jenny!

Jenny, I know you’re in chronic pain and rather silly about your own pain management. When you get those Zydax® – Injections to Reduce Arthritis in Dogs? That’s not a cue for you to start running berserk in the doggie park again. Or to jump all over the doggie chiro.

Just relax, Jen. Take it easy.

Well, maybe not that easy.

And Jenny, I am going to have to carry you up and down the stairs now, because you don’t want to be in even more pain.

No, don’t run!

Oh for Chrissake.

So, Jenny, you are a fricking pain in the arse, and you plopped into my life as a package deal with Tamar, and I gave you a hard time when you were younger and even more of a pain in the arse; but you are a gooooood doggie, gooooood doggie, and—

Jenny? Jenny?

Fricking dog.